Secret Letters Reveal Arsenal Transfer Plans

Yes, it’s that time again: time to find out which of the “transfer target” stories have legs and which don’t, based on an ancient and secret formula for decoding the gossip and separating the silver from the dross.

The key lies in the letters.

No, not letters from Dick Law to various European club presidents saying “Please can we have player X. We will give you lots of money eventually but only after we have haggled until the last second of the transfer window. Go on – please.”

It’s far more mysterious than that.

You see just as astrologers find hidden meaning in the music of the spheres and phrenologists divine whole futures from the bumps on your bonce, so too can skilled observers detect clues from the very letters that make up the names of our purported targets.

I am such a skilled observer so, once again, I can proudly reveal the results of the Arsenal Arsenal Anagramometer. It’s a very simple process: you take the letters of a given target’s name, scramble them into new words – and in those words lie the answers to whether those players are right for the Mighty Arsenal or – in some cases – are definitely heading our way.

For example, a couple of summers ago there was a story linking us with a move for the Wolves and Ireland striker Kevin Doyle. There were even some indications that the Arsenal hierarchy really were looking at him as a stop-gap target man.

However, once the Arsenal Arsenal Anagramometer revealed that when you scramble “Kevin Doyle” you get “Evil Donkey” the club dropped him like a hot potato. And rightly so.

Likewise I could have told you weeks ago that Yaya Sanogo would be joining us after I scrambled his letters and came up with: “As a Goon? Yay!”

So now we move onto this summer’s mooted targets. The secrets that emerge from the anagramometer may surprise you…

Stevan Jovetic

The Montenegran striker currently at Fiorentina has been very strongly linked with us this summer. I don’t doubt his skills, but the letters show that he may be motivated by personal greed and may have an arrogant personality that won’t gel with the rest of the dressing room: “Vain – Covets Jet.”

Gonzalo Higuain

Sometimes the revelations of the letters are clear – sometimes they are more cryptic. Higuain comes into the latter category. The supremely gifted, two-footed Argentinian striker has apparently told Real Madrid that he wants to leave – but will he come to us? His scrambled letters come out as “Laughing In A Zoo.” Now that could be a reflection of how he feels currently in the crazy world of Mourinho’s Madrid. Or it could be a metaphor for him having a happy and successful time in the middle of Arsenal’s menagerie of prize specimens from all over the world. I like Higuain so I hope it’s the latter.

Wayne Rooney

Poor old Wazza. We’ve unscrambled him before and it always just comes out as “Nan Were Yoyo.” The idea of a grannie bouncing up and down on a teenage Wayne is guaranteed to put anyone off their supper. And I’m afraid it guarantees that we will not be seeing Rooney with a cannon on his chest.

Edinson Cavani

If we want someone who is the anti-Rooney, then Edinson – who’s been banging in the goals for Napoli – is our man. It’s all in the letters, you see: “Nice – Avoids Nan.”

Julio Cesar

Another cryptic one. Julio’s letters unscramble as “Jail Course”. I know it looks confusing at first glance, but to the trained eye it’s another story – and one that almost certainly means he’s on his way to our squad this summer. For a start, he has had a course of confinement in the jail that was QPR’s relegation season under chief warder ‘Appy ‘Arry and he is clearly desperate to breathe again the fresh air of freedom. Secondly, the meaning of “jail” in the context of a goalkeeper is “secure, safe.” Basically, we’re going to sign Cesar and he’s going to be great.

Victor Wanyama

Unfortunately the letters in the Celtic defensive midfielder’s name do not reveal whether or not he’s joining us – but they do show that if we  get him, we will be getting a player with oodles of confidence: “I Can Avow My Art.”

Clement Grenier

Arseblogger himself has a little dabble at anagramising Clement’s name yesterday. He came up with “Gentlemen Crier” for the Lyon midfielder. Nice try ‘Blogger, but it takes years of dedication to master this particular art. In fact the true unscrambling of the Frenchman’s name suggests that if we get him this summer, it will only be a loan basis and that he will be very, very good: “Renting Le Crème.”

David Villa

I was gutted when I saw the way the letters fell with the Barcelona and Spain striker Villa. He’s a great player and I was hoping we might get him this summer. But “Advil Valid” suggests that if we do, it will be a headache for all concerned. Steer clear, Arsene!

Lars Bender

Who needs an anagram when you’re called Lars Bender, you might well ask. But even the most amusing names can benefit from a spin cycle in the anagramometer. And when we throw in the young Bayern Leverkusen midfielder we find that he might fit in ever so smoothly with our existing midfielders: “Rare Blends.”

Christian Benteke

If Arsene is tempted by the Aston Villa striker I feel impelled to warn him that it would be an unwise gamble. The naturalized Belgian (he was born in the Democratic Republic of the Congo) has had a good season in the Premier League but would be overpriced and may well suffer from second season syndrome. The letters are emphatic on what we should think of Wenger if he signs him: “Arsene In Thick Bet.”

Finally a player with whom we have not yet been officially linked but… you never know. After all, no-one was expecting that Sol Campbell would abandon the swamp dwellers and move to The Home of Football.

Gareth Bale

Let’s just say that if the Welsh Wing Wizard joins us, first he will have to have a “Large Bathe” to remove all traces of N17 pollution… you know, little bits of choke dust, some motes of envy and speckles of spite – all the usual detritus of lingering too long in the shadows.

That’s it.

Thank you for indulging my fondness for anagrams.

If it’s not your thing, no problem – it would still be great to hear what you think are the merits or failings of the above named players with whom we have been widely linked.

RockyLives

Wemberley ……

“Wemberly, Wemberley,  We’re the Famous Arsenal and we’re going to Wemberly” . We should be singing this song as we walk down Empire way to watch our heroes take on the mighty (but beatable) Borussia Dortmund.

Can you remember back to that Emirates night in February? ….. the manly Oliver Giroud strikes a sweet shot which is heading into the net but cruelly and very unfortunately hits Neuer’s leg, 3 minutes later Bayern Munich break, Mandzukic’s shot hits Sagna and bounces over Szczesny …. 1-3, when it should have been 2-2 and with Arsenal pushing for a winner.  Yes, we got trounced in the first half but were coming strong in the second, which became an Arsenal trait throughout the season.

Second leg, we gave them a lesson – yes, the finest team in the history of football were hammered in front of their own fans by a team which apparently was in terrible shape and about to disintegrate under their “hapless”manager who was clearly too long in the tooth to motivate his team. Had we scored one more we would have won the tie – and we could have. Then we would certainly have beaten a poor and dispirited RM in the semis.

Such are the vagaries of football. (Biased? Delusional? Moi?  :-D  )

Instead we have an all German Final, and thank goodness for that. Both teams have been playing the best football in the CL this season, both play with a genuine passion without resort to theatrics, and both managers believe in the beautiful game. We have enjoyed the Spanish domination (well, some of us have) but their blatant cheating has finally received it’s due reward.  We are in the Audi era. Beautifully built, efficient, powerful and desirable.

BD have had over 500,000 ticket applications! The support of both teams is astonishing and they SING.

The loss of Gotze is a massive blow, both to BD and the Final. He is a wonderful player and will be missed, but what delights we have in store – there is hardly a player who is not top quality. From BD’s Lewandowski to BM’s flying Austrian baby FB, Alaba, every player is worth watching. BM’s midfield is just awesome – Schweinsteigger and Martinez – but so too is BD’s, who may have less famous names but nonetheless are hugely competitive.

This is Heynkes final game before the arrival of Pep, and Klopp is everyone’s favourite manager; that alone is interesting. Both will want to impress the billions of viewers. Both have teams with potent forward lines and players who can express the imaginative tactics of their respective managers. I think we are in for one of the best CL Finals ever.

Now for a German Explorer. Although the English discovered 95% of the World it did leave a few places for Johnny Foreigner to plant his flag, and Alexander Von Humboldt (1769 – 1859) did so with remarkable regularity. Take the places named after him – they are in all over the West Coast of USA USA, Venezuela, New Zealand, Greenland, Mexico, +++. There are National Parks named after him in Cuba and Peru. Simon Bolivar referred to Von Humboldt as “The real discover of South America”. Not only was this fellow an explorer he was also a hugely eminent scientist and wrote books (in particular The Cosmos) which are still referred to today.

During his lifetime Humboldt became one of the most famous men in Europe and was feted wherever he went. He eventually became a diplomat and was a huge favourite of European royalty. Von Humboldt died at the age of 89 in Berlin.

Back to the football. Wembley is about to be occupied by the Germans tonight (no joke, please Raddy).  Thankfully we will not be treated to another appalling display of negative football that both Chelsea and Mourinho’s Inter Milan brought to the world’s biggest club game of the season – No, what we will hopefully see is the two best teams in Europe serving up a feast of attacking football.

My allegiance tonight is purely based on the fairytale of Dortmund’s rise in the face of the juggernaut of German football’s biggest club.

“Los gehts BVB, kampfen og siegen”

Written by Big Raddy

The Prayer of St Totteringham

First, please kneel, place your hands together and join me in reciting the Prayer of St Totteringham:

“Our Neighbours, who art in shadow

Fallow be thy game.

Thy fandom – scum;

Thy players – plums

(In truth, none would make our eleven).

Give us this day our Champions League,

And forgive us for taking the p*ss

As we laugh at those who finish behind us,

And lead us not into N17,

But deliver us from Levy

For Arsenal’s is the kingdom,

The power, and the gap,

For ever and ever,

Arsène.”

I thank you.

And now for the sermon. Or rather, a confession:

This time last year, after a nail-biting conclusion to the Premier League season, I was confident that we would never have to go through such agonies again for a very long time.

We had had our worst start to a season for 50 years (as the media enjoyed telling us). We had been 10 points behind the jealous neighbours in January (“mind the gap”) and for a long time the prospect of making the top four seemed very distant.

But a great run got us back into contention and, even though we faltered with the finishing tape in sight, we crawled over the line just ahead of the enemy thanks to a 3-2 win away at West Brom, whose ‘keeper (Martin Fulop) was like a 12^th man for us.

I really thought that qualifying for the Champions League last May was going to be a watershed. We would strengthen in the summer and make a serious title bid in the 2012/13 season. There would be no more last-day anxiety about trying to clinch fourth. I said as much here on Arsenal Arsenal.

Well, we all know by now that I was wrong. Our summer was scuppered by Brave Sir Robin, who had apparently been listening to a little boy he keeps locked up somewhere.

What should have been a summer of building steadily on strong foundations became another case of major transition and losing our most important player. Van Persie was followed out by Song (plus our excellent loanee Yossi Benayoun); and another bunch of new players came in – many at the last minute.

With hindsight – and from the comfortable position of having qualified for the CL yet again (albeit, again, by the skin of our teeth) – it was obvious that it would take time for us to find our groove this season.

When eventually we did, we became very, very effective (although perhaps not as pretty as we had been previously).

So now I will repeat the claim I made 12 months ago – and this time I am sure I will be right:

A year from now we will not end up scrapping for fourth: we will be battling for the league title. The Tiny Totts – if they can exceed expectations again with their one-man team – will be the ones trying to scrape into the CL positions again, but they will not be our concern. St Totteringham’s Day 2014 will fall much earlier than it has in recent years.

There are two reasons why I feel my prediction has more merit this time round: firstly, we will have stability on the playing side: none of our “star” players will be leaving the club; there will be no summer-long “will-he-won’t-he” soap opera  like we had with Van Judas, Na$ri and Fabregas.

Secondly, the new revenue streams coming on tap really do give us the power to move strongly in the transfer market this summer. I thought that would be the case last year, but I can see now that the finances were still not in place for a real “statement” buy.

As it happens we did good business anyway, with Podolski, Giroud and, especially, Santi Cazorla all having contributed significantly to our season.

But the announcement of the Puma kit deal, plus massively increased TV revenue and a range of other commercial deals have now all fallen into place and the good times are set to roll.

Actually, there is a third area of optimism: it relates to our “mental strength.” Usually when Arsene Wenger talks about mental strength you get the feeling that he is trying to convince the players that they have it, when in fact they don’t. Or at least not enough of it.

This was apparent even last year when, despite our great run to haul back Totteringham, our collective bottle went a bit at the end and we won only one of our final five games and were arguably a bit lucky to get the final win at West Brom.

That type of run-in had, sadly, become a bit of an Arsenal trait and we were in danger of patenting the late-season collapse.

In 2011/12 our final nine games were: W2, D5, L2 – giving us only 11 points out of 27.

And the year before we were W1, D1, L3 in our final five, for four points out of 15.

So I am greatly encouraged that the current crop of players were able to keep their form going during this year’s run-in, remaining unbeaten and winning most of the games despite the high pressure nature of the contest. It reflects what I believe is a new, tougher mentality among the group of players we now have.

When the going got tough, so did they.

As I mentioned in a comment recently, the Spuds – to the great surprise of most people – did not choke this year: they, too, kept getting mostly decent results right up to the final day.

But as it turned out, we didn’t need them to choke: we were strong enough to throttle the life out of them with our own bare hands.

Expect some exciting news this summer.

And expect a proper title challenge next season.

RockyLives

St Totteringham’s Day – Report & Player Ratings

That was a very, very nervous experience made all the more intense by the fact that we were expected to win. Some how being the underdog in crucial games makes it just that little more bearable when a loss is inevitably considered before and during the game. But win we did and by doing so we secured the chance to play Champions League football next season which I believe makes it sixteen seasons on the trot, no mean feat when you consider just how desperate and disappointed those around us were at missing out again.

Does that introduction work? Nah, it was nail biting hell, ninety four minutes of torture before the release of the final whistle and the opportunity to laugh at the pained faces of those left wondering “if only” at White Hart Lane. That’s better, that’s more like the introduction that this game deserves.

It was in fact a very professional win, every player followed the game plan, nobody panicked, all of which lead to our just desserts safely being locked away at the home of football.

As I sit hear in the afterglow, looking back at the season I think it has to be said that the single most important decision made was that to drop Vermaelen. This is not meant as a poke at the Belgian, I am convinced he remains a very popular player amongst Arsenal supporters; it’s just that everything points to him being put on the bench as the spark that galvanised the defence.

Do any of you remember the debate that divided us over which centre back paring would be the most successful? Half the people said Vermaelen and Mertesacker and the other half said Vermalen and Koscielny, I was one of those arguing that the later combination would be more mobile. But I think it is fair to say no one argued for Mertesacker and Koscielny.

Well there you go, those two flanked by Gibbs, Nacho and Sagna have proved to be a very solid defensive unit indeed.

Did you notice how much more controlled Sagna was in his attacking play today, no wild crosses and solid as ever in his defensive duties.

I can’t finish the defence without giving Koscielny special attention; he was the standout player of the day and the Man of the Match by some distance. Koz, you have no idea how much happier you have made all of our summers; for you, your performance and your goal we salute you.

The midfield worked well together. Ramsey was immense and will rightly pick up the AA award for the most improved player. He started the season coming on as a sub on the right wing and did very well; he then got his chance to start in the middle and was poor, poor to the point of serious abuse. From there he disappeared back to the bench, reappearing after the spud loss to progress to being undroppable which is where he is today.

Sadly for our Spanish Captain couldn’t lead us to the end of the game but the Ox came on and added fire to the midfield belly. Have you noticed how well he and Walcott work together? Theo is the senior player and is able to tell the Ox exactly what he wants to happen, the upshot is that Theo plays with a greater confidence.

If I have one minor moan it would be that Rosicky was a bit sloppy by his usual high standards. Many will not like me saying this but I think we were a bit fortunate that Wilshere got injured when he did because if we had carried on playing the same way we did against spuds I believe we would not be in this happy position today. Rosicky is an attacking midfielder who interacts well with the most talented player we have at the club and Wilshere is nowhere near that yet.

And on the subject of the most talented player at the club I am sure we are all agreed that the AA award for best player of the season goes to Cazorla, he ran his socks off again and boy what a great buy he turned out to be.

Podolski, not being so brilliant in the air, forces Sagna and Gibbs to send the ball into the box along the ground rather than hoofing it high which is one of my pet hates; his tally of assists this season is very impressive. As to whether he is the answer to our number nine issues I neither know nor care today, I am just pleased with our not quite so BFG.

It was a good day to be an Arsenal supporter, we need to push on from here with some quality summer signings but I will leave you with my favourite image of the day. Remember the end of the game when the Sky cameras went over to White  Hart Lane? Well think of despair of their faces and chuckle.

Have a great day.

Written by LB

Following on from LB’s excellent report Rocky would like to offer these player ratings:

Szczesny: little to do but exuded confidence. 7

Sagna: very solid performance. He still seems a fraction slower than before his leg breaks but he defended well against Newcastle. 7

Gibbs: got pulled out of position a bit in the first 20, but played very well thereafter. 7.5

Mertesacker: typically good showing from the BFG. He is one of the best CB’s in the EPL. 8

Koscielny: a perfect performance at the back, augmented by as coring the all-important winning goal. 9 (MOTM)

Arteta: it was clearly a risk starting him, but he played with his usual efficiency before having to retire with injury early doors. 7

Rosicky: not everything came off for TR7 but he was involved in some of our best moves and his work rate was incredible. 7.5

Ramsey: phenomenal effort as we’ve come to expect. Some of his best work is unspectacular and, therefore, is missed by many. An invaluable player on the day. 8

Cazorla: drifted out at times but was a persistent threat to Newcastle and fought very hard for the cause. 8

Walcott: plenty of effort and skill from Theo, who was double- or triple-teamed throughout. It was a relief that his late effort that hit the post after great solo play did not turn out costly. 8

Podolski: Lukas was up for this one and fought hard in both attack and defence. Got a head on the ball to set up Koscielny’s winner. 7.5

Subs

Oxlade- Chamberlain: it was a surprise when Oxo slotted in to the holding midfield role vacated boyar teat, but hE did well. 7.5

Giroud: his hold-up play was good and his presence helped see us through to kids debating. 7

Wilshere: not time enough to do anything special. 7

 

Third, Fourth or Fifth Will Not Affect Arsenal Spending Plans

Arsenal will spend significantly this summer to reinforce the first team squad regardless of where we finish in the league.

This statement is not based on having spoken to a bloke who did the plumbing at Vic Akers’s second cousin’s house.

Nor is it directly attributable to anyone in a position of authority at the club (Stan is famously silent, Ivan only talks babble and Peter Hill Wood has not seen his mate from the Daily Star for some time).

It is a statement of what used to be called “the bloody obvious.”

Just think about it for a second.

After years of austerity prompted by the stadium move, the cash is finally starting to roll in from multiple sources.

The Club has announced a string of big sponsorship deals, culminating in the kit deal with Puma which will bring in £30 million a year and which, according to some sources, includes a large up-front payment.

The new TV rights settlement for the Premier League comes into force next season bringing oodles of cash for all the clubs. A commentator in the (North American) coverage of our Wigan game this week observed that, next year, the club that finishes BOTTOM in the Premier League will be paid as much as Manchester City were paid last year for finishing TOP.

Meanwhile Arsenal’s competitive environment is also undergoing tectonic change between now and the start of next season.

All three of our main competitors for the league title will embark on the 2013/14 season with new managers – and all the upheaval in personnel and playing styles that that brings with it.

Mourinho will almost certainly resume the helm at Chelsea and will be welcomed as a returning messiah by the fans. But fans have short memories. The scars between Mourinho and Abramovich have not healed, they have just had some cosmetic touching-up and if things don’t go quickly to plan for Chelsea, they could reopen even wider than before.

Manchester City, meanwhile, will probably have Pellegrini in charge. I love his sparkly water, but he has never managed in the English Premier League and there is sure to be a period of adjustment. On paper their players should walk any league in the world, but this season has shown that – as military commanders have known throughout history – mercenaries can’t always be relied on when the fighting gets dirty. Even with the riches at their disposal, it’s far from certain that City will slot straight back into title-challenging form.

And, most significantly of all, Surralex Ferguson has stepped down at Manchester United, replaced by David Moyes. He may have been a misanthropic, cranky, malevolent, spiteful, chip-shouldering, sputum-spewing bully with a bloated winesack for a face, but he knew how to win football matches. Moyes may turn out to be the right man for United’s future, but it feels like a hell of big gamble to me.

The upshot of this managerial merry-go-round is that no team should be better placed that Arsenal in terms of stability when the new season begins.

Finally, for the first summer in a long time we will not spend the close season in protracted agonies about whether one or more of our best players will listen to the call of filthy lucre (or filthy DNA) from places distant.

There really is a “perfect storm” of reasons why next season should be a good – even, possibly – a great one for Arsenal.

And if we are all aware of these facts, clearly Arsene Wenger and the people who run our club are too.

With the recent crop of commercial partnership announcements, the much-criticised Gazidis (Ivan the Not Terriby Good?) is beginning to show why we hired him. He and the Board of Directors will be fully aware that this is the summer to make a big statement and that next season we should be having a real tilt at the title.

I have never been more confident that we will be bringing in at least one huge name (be it Higuain, Rooney, Jovetic, Fabregas, Eboue or whoever) and that several other astute buys will also be made.

And it makes no sense to think that the club’s strategy will be any different if we finish outside the Champions League places. If anything, finishing fifth would be an encouragement to spend even more than if we finished third or fourth.

Yes, there may be some players who will not join a club that’s not in the Champions League, but there are plenty of superstars who would be only too happy to join Arsene’s Arsenal regardless.

Our form since late January has been that of a title-challenging team. The core players responsible for that run – the likes of Cazorla, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Ramsey, Walcott and Podolski – will all be in harness at the start of next season.

We have continuity, confidence and money.

As someone once said: The Ghosts of the Thirties are Stirring.

RockyLives

What do Gunners really think about finishing 5th?

With the climax of the season approaching there can’t be a single Arsenal supporter who hasn’t considered what life would be like if we didn’t make top four.

At this point nothing is decided and all 3 of the contenders could finish in either 3rd, 4th or 5th. The polls below give you a chance to consider what life would be like for Arsenal in the Europa League.

You can relax and treat this as just a bit of fun because its not going to happen

What do Gunners fear most about 5^th?

What do Gunners like most about 5th?

If there is an answer you’d choose to these questions that is not listed, feel free to offer another viewpoint to debate.

MickyDitIt89

Our Destiny Lies In The Hands Of One Man

Something very important for Arsenal takes place tonight. Coupled with our remaining two games, this is perhaps what our season comes down to. No trophies again (8 years!!), and fighting for a top 4 finish.

One man will have a huge level of influence in determining the outcome of this fight. Not Cazorla, not Walcott, not Bale. These players will be important, but will be less important than another man who takes the field.

By now, most of you probably know I am talking about Mike Dean, the referee who takes charge of the Chelsea-Spurs clash tonight, and then our game against Wigan next week. Mike Dean, under whom we have a relegation worthy record, who celebrates when we lose Carling cup finals, or go a goal down and effectively 13 points behind Spurs. Mike Dean, who is from Wirral, and under whom Wigan have a win percentage near that of a CL team. Mike Dean, who basically is a clone of Mike Riley, the current chief of the Pgmol, probably as a richly deserved reward for ending our glorious run of unbeaten games.

Click here to read how the Daily Mail assessed Dean’s anti Arsenal bias

Paranoid? Not really. Just cynical about there being a scenario where one man has an inordinate amount of influence towards determining who gets a 30m pound plus payoff next season. What was that thing about money and power?

A few days ago on this site, I ‘outed’ myself as a ‘conspiracy theorist’. I feel the analogy of being outed is fair because of the social pressure put on those that don’t take things at face value and ask questions as to what lies underneath. It is a subject close to my heart mainly because it destroys all that sport is, and not because Arsenal haven’t won a trophy for 8 years (yes..8.. Remember?) But I always feel I have to tread on eggshells when it comes to this. There’s this complete refusal among many, to examine issues that beg for closer inspection. Issues that the media should be bringing out rather than sweeping under the rug. Anyone challenging the might of this PR assault, is accused of being a conspiracy theorist. The term that brings images of people shutting themselves in the basement (or closets), wearing tin foil hats for fear of having their mind read etc etc.. Not reasonable people, with legitimate reasons for having legitimate doubts, about a system which operates so much like an old boys’ network, in such an opaque manner, with so much money swimming around, that actually, the onus should be on them to prove that they are not corrupt.

But how do I feel about this as an Arsenal fan, rather than just a sports fan? I feel we were cheated from winning the title in 2008. I didn’t feel this at the time. It was the ManU-Wigan game at the end of that season, when wanting ManU to win (so that Chelsea wouldn’t) I saw Steve Bennett help Manchester United win the title. Rafa Benitez, in his ‘rant’ also made mention of this game the following year. I am not sure whether Liverpool were cheated out of their title as well, but I don’t believe the narrative that his ‘rant’ was the reason for their capitulation. I feel over the years we’ve had so many inexplicably poor decisions go against us, we’ve been allowed (by referees, and the media)to be systematically assaulted on the field (as evidenced by the number of broken legs in a short space of time), and off the field, through the narrative of Arsenal. And that in the years 2009-10, and 2010-11, this too played a part in us falling short (Note the word ‘too’)

Now, I am told that all football fans feel their team is discriminated against. Both by refs and the media. Perhaps this is true, although a lot of Arsenal fans seem to be quite perverse in that sense. And I am always, even now, open to the possibility of me being wrong about this. In fact, I positively hope I am. I’d rather my team was completely to blame for their loss/failings rather than only partially.

But a system more geared for corruption, I don’t think I can think of. No one that I know ever disputes FIFA being corrupt. Nor Uefa. Nor the Italian League after Calciopoli. Nor the Germans since they uncovered their own refereeing scandal. England though, is special. It doesn’t matter how many stats pop up, such as ManU going 560 days without a red card or a penalty, or Rio Ferdinand only getting one yellow card in a season where he kungfu kicks Sagna. No matter that Rooney (and now even RVP) can elbow an opponent in the head without it getting called a red card (a yellow protects them from being banned) , doesn’t matter that referee appointments are made arbitrarily (but unfortunately, not without design it seems) This current example of Dean is hardly an isolated occurrence. Atkinson didn’t referee ManU again for 11 months after Chelsea beat them in a contentious game. Clattenburg didn’t referee ManU again for a similar period after refereeing excellently in their humiliating 6-1 home loss to City. All these facts are from memory. I don’t have time to do the research, but there are people out there who do this. They do it in the belief of something being wrong with the game they love, not the team they love (most of them aren’t Arsenal fans)

Why Arsenal? Why ManU? Why??? I don’t have the answers. Only theories and more questions, which, if I have time, I’d be happy to share. Giving voice to them might make me a conspiracy theorist in the eyes of some. I don’t care. At this point, all that matters to me is that wherever we end up, it is to do with the players on the field and not the referees. Or should I say referee??!

Written by Shard

Man United Should Be Ashamed of Themselves

Well, hands up if you were surprised that Manchester United rolled over and gave up three points to Chelsea without so much as a squeak of opposition…

No hands

I thought not.

Of course United owe us nothing and if I was a United fan (eeeugh * gag *) I wouldn’t give a toss about whether or not the non-performance of my team was grossly insulting and unfair to others. I would just sit there stuffing more chips-with-curry-sauce into my fat northern face and quaff another Boddingtons or six.

But as an Arsenal supporter I am annoyed.

Just over a week ago United came to the Emirates, played their strongest possible team and put in a fully committed performance. Fortunately we played well and a draw was probably a fair result even though we gifted them their equaliser.

After that game the Purple Conked Gorbalian who runs Surry United talked about “honouring” the likes of us and Totteringham by promising to put in a similar effort against Chelsea.

I had my doubts, but Fergus the Bogeyman reiterated the point again during the week, saying: “There are three teams chasing those two positions… and I will play my strongest team out of respect for those two other teams. I said to Arsene Wenger after the game last week – don’t worry we’ll play our strongest team, we’ll play a team to win.”

What a lying piece of Glaswegian dog turd.

The “strongest team” he sent out meant dropping his first choice goalkeeper and his best central defender, as well as England’s golden boy, the granny shagger.

Even so, you might say, a United team with a bunch of second stringers should still be able to put in a good performance: and they did have the Premier League’s deadliest goal scorer in Robin van Wotsisname.

All true, but unfortunately this particular Manchester United eleven approached the game with all the enthusiasm of a stallion off to see the gelders.

Chelsea weren’t much cop, but it was obvious to me from early on that they were going to end up winning and they duly did.

You would have to go a long way back to find a United performance with as many misplaced challenges, half-hearted tackles, aimless boots into touch and woeful attempts at finishing.

In the first half I counted four clear chances on goal for Brave Sir Robin alone, including a one-on-one with the Chelsea ‘keeper. I have no doubt that against us one or more of those chances would have ended up in the back of the net. Yesterday the Dutch Skunk fluffed them all with an air of studied non-interest.

I had been harbouring a vague notion that BSR might put himself out a bit to do us a favour. Why a favour? Well, you know, there were all those years where we paid him millions of pounds to lie on a physio table and trot out for half a dozen games a season and still get brilliant support from the fans.

But the more I thought about it the more it dawned on me that it would suit BSR for us to fail to make the Champions League. I am pretty sure that the poor, abused little boy inside Sir Robin is wracked with guilt about the way he stabbed Arsenal and Arsene in the back. Sure, the mountains of cash and the new shiny medal will make up for it a bit, but he knows what he did and he can’t be happy with himself about it.

So anything that justifies his decision to crap on us will be clutched at eagerly. And if we don’t make top four this year he can say: “See, I knew I was right to leave. They are on a downward spiral.”

So I believe that even if the entire Chelsea team had suddenly collapsed to the ground mid-game from a strange Chav-borne illness (Coleosis? Macrotising Terryitis?), leaving BSR to run towards goal unopposed, he would still have put the ball wide.

Anyway, the Chelsea win means that Top Four is still not in our own hands.

I also watched the Totts against the Saints on Saturday. They were rubbish – the world’s first ever One Primate Team. And to be fair, when Gareth Bale popped up to score exactly the same type of goal he scores in most games, there was a bit of me that thought he deserves to play in the Chimps League next year.

But the wins for both our London rivals mean that we all need to become Chelsea fans on Wednesday (eeeugh * gag *).

If the Spuds make a monkey of the Chavs and get all three points, we can still finish fifth even if we win our final two games.

The best result is a Chav win, as Bayonne Jean explained very clearly in comments last night: “Many think that a draw is more desirable, but not if you look at the maths:
Baseline: Arsenal maximum points is 73.

“Chelsea win takes them to 71 with two fixtures left. Downside: they would then only need one win to pip Arsenal, and they are highly likely to do that. Even two draws might be enough for them, as they have current +3 gd on Gunners, which may be enough even if Arsenal win remaining two. But upside is that Spurs would stay at 65, with maximum of 71. This gives Arsenal chance to finish with a win and a draw, giving Arsenal 71 as well, and hold on to fourth based on current +13 gd vs. Spurs.

“On the other hand, draw between Spurs and Chavs doesn’t buy much. Draw takes Chavs to 69, where they would only need win and a draw to tie Arsenal at 73, and they would likely maintain gd tie breaker. Spurs at 66 after the Chelsea draw means that Arsenal would still need to win both remaining fixtures to ensure staying ahead of Spurs at the end.”

It is what it is. All we can do is win our games; we can’t influence what happens elsewhere as the can’t-be-arsed match-throwing antics by Manchester United yesterday demonstrated very clearly.

All I hope is that one day, very soon, the tables are turned and United are desperate for us to do them a favour in a game that means nothing to us.

When that happens I hope that Arsene and his players remember Buster McBloodvessel’s “promise” to field his strongest team and that we pay him back in kind.

Bitter? Me?

You bet!

RockyLives

Three Words That Sum Up Arsenal’s Season So Far

The next few weeks will determine whether we make the Champions League spots (yet again)

If we do so, some supporters will consider it to be a real achievement; others will deem it a failure.

Before the end-of-season assessments are made, this feels like a good moment to canvas how we Arsenal fans are feeling about the current campaign.

The Poll below contains a range of words and phrases. Obviously they can’t cover every nuance of the current Arsenal experience but hopefully they reflect some of the prevailing tides of opinion.

All you have to do is select the THREE options that you feel best describe our progress (or lack of it) and fortunes (or misfortunes) to date.

You can select fewer than three if you can’t find enough that you agree with, but you can’t select more than three.

RockyLives

European Super League. Inevitable?

To my mind, many aspects of Football are a microcosm of Society.

The reactions and behaviour of Fans, in many ways mirror social attitudes and the economic climate of the broader society. I also see this correlation within individual Clubs as well as between Clubs themselves. The concentration of power within a club, and then the concentration of power between a small elite of Clubs and The Rest.

Everywhere I look, I see the same model.

Look across Europe right now, and we see the collapse of Economies, Sovereign States, Societies and Currencies. The gap between the rich and poor grows exponentially wider. The call from citizens for their rights and privileges grows ever louder. Sounds familiar?

A quick look at the Power Brokers of European Football reveals to me, a group intent on preserving their own. Their Elite. Are Fair Play rules there to protect the grass roots of the game, or to serve the best interests of the few?

We have seen the back of the European Cup with single representatives from member countries. We have seen the merging of The Cup Winners Cup into The Europa League (yip, “League”). The lines between The Champions League and Europa are becoming blurred, with those falling at the first hurdle in the former being dumped into the latter.

Surely, recent talk of some kind of World Club Super League in Qatar is going to prompt some kind of response from our European Leaders.

Now, what could that possibly be?

Written by MickyDidIt