Arsenal’s 2011-12 Season: The Movie

Panic ye not.

Our mighty and classy club has not taken a leaf out of Totteringham’s book and released a DVD celebrating our third place finish.

It’s just that a movie title caught my eye the other day and I thought: “That would be the perfect title if you made a movie of our season.”

The title was, of course, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. (The good – Chelsea away, Spuds at home, Man City at home; the bad – Wigan and Norwich at home, all of January; the ugly – 8-2 at Man Utd, 4-3 at Blackburn and not forgetting Modric and Bale).

Then I got to thinking about other film titles that might work for aspects of our season – even if they need a bit of tweaking occasionally.

Here’s what I came up with. Please add your own suggestions below…

The Year of Living Dangerously: from botched transfer business to suicidal defending to catastrophic injuries to last day hiccups, this title says it all.

The Usual Suspects: when the going gets tough, we fans know there’s only one thing to do – blame the usual suspects. This year their ranks included Chamakh, Djourou, Arshavin, Walcott and Ramsey. With honourable mentions for both Almunia and Denilson, quite an achievement given that neither of them actually played.

Apocalypse Now: with the late departures of Fabregas and Na$ri, the aforementioned losses at Man Utd and Blackburn and a slump to 17th in the league, there was a period when plenty of fans were declaring that the End Times had come (well, for Arsene Wenger, at least). Instead Arsene put on his camouflage face paint, took a machete and swam upriver to slaughter the bloated madman who had got drunk on his own power. Twitchy – “we’re gonna win the fackin league, I’m gonna manage Engerlund” – was never the same again.

Robin’s Good – Prince of Goal Thieves: needs no explanation. (See also ‘A Clockwork Orange’).

Groundhog Day: as we approached the season run-in on the back of a string of great results, what could possibly go wrong? Oh yeah, the traditional late-season slump. It may not have been as bad as the previous two years, but we didn’t make an easy job of clinching third, did we?

Twitchy and Rosie Get Paid: an unconventional London couple find themselves in a Swiss bank. One is a dumb animal unaware of its surroundings. The other is Rosie the dog.

Twelve Monkeys: Totteringham’s first 11, plus manager.

Let The Right One In: as the seconds ticked towards the slamming shut of the transfer window last August, who would Arsene let in? Well, most of them did OK… but we’re still baffled by the signing of that Park fellow. He could be a vampire, you know.

12 Angry Men: that was about right for the black scarf protest wasn’t it? Or were they in single figures?

Fantastic Mr Ox: “we don’t want another bloody kid – especially if he’s supposed to be Walcott Mark 2… oh, wait a bit, he’s not bad is he? Oy, Wenger, who do you think you are subbing our boy Oxo!”

Henry, Portrait of a Serial Thriller: come back any time, Thierry. Please?

The Silence of the Lambs: did you hear it? That silence that echoed silently round the Emirates from the silent away supporters’ end during a certain 5-2 victory? Poor lambs… but they all came to the slaughter.

Eternal Scumshine of the Potless Mind (the Gappers): what would we do without them? Bless.

Taxi Driver: ‘Arry’s next job.

Dirty Harry: alright, alright, no more Twitchy titles.

To Kill A Mockingspud: there’s no need to do it literally, all you have to do is wait for the end of the season, then they’ll do the job themselves.

Das Boot: when not being used for submarine warfare, this vessel is worn on Per Mertesacker’s foot.

Amadeus: finally our little Mozart flew again, like a pheasant from the ashes.

For A Few Dollars More: bye bye Samir.

Tango and Cash: Phil Brown to be appointed new manager at Man City. Na$ri to get a pay rise and more splinters.

That’s it. Your turn now – I’m sure you can do better than my lame efforts. The best suggestion wins a night out with Gareth Bale. Runner up wins two nights out with Gareth Bale. Boom boom.

RockyLives

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83 Responses to Arsenal’s 2011-12 Season: The Movie

  1. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Twitchy and Rosie Get Paid :-) :-) :-)
    Just off to wipe the coffee from my keyboard!

  2. Rasp says:

    Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind???

  3. Rasp says:

    Hope Robin’s not Gone with the Wind :(

  4. LB says:

    The one that hits home the hardest up there for me is the Fantastic Mr Ox.

    Where are these people now?

  5. Rasp says:

    Hi LB, just wait for the reaction if we sign 13yr old ‘wonderkid’ Foday Nabay from Birmingham City :lol:

  6. VCC says:

    Run fat boy run……Starring Frank Lampard

    Truly,Madly Deeply………..in love with Arsenal

    Trust the man……..Starring Arsene Wenger

    The Water boy……..Starring Samir Nasri

    Where the heart is………= Emirates Stadium

  7. MickyDidIt89 says:

    So true LB,
    Another “bloody kid”. Pah.

  8. TotalArsenal says:

    Rocky, excellent, creative stuff. Love it. :)

    ‘Some like it Hotspurs’
    How the Gunners toyed with the Spuds, giving them a seemingly unassailable lead, only to be pipped to the post!

  9. golds73 says:

    A Nightmare on Old Trafford: dedicated to our worst defeat in ages

    A Few Good Men: starring Robin van Persie, Laurent Koscielny and Mikel Arteta.

    For the Love of Money: starring $amir Na$ri

    How to Lose Players and Alienate Fans: for the crap we had to endure last summer.

    Almost Famous: dedicated to the heroes in the 3-0 win against Milan.

    Tottanic: dedicated to our “mighty” neighbours who were sunk after being hit by an Arseberg.

    The 7 Year Itch: Our barren run continues.

    Never Back Down: dedicated to our 5-2 win against the scums.

    King Henry: starring the legendary Thierry Henry.

    Against All Odds: Dedicated to the way we overcame our demons to finish third.

  10. Rasp says:

    Hi golds73, great stuff, your film titles pretty much sum up my view of the whole season.

  11. Reddawn says:

    To Have and to Hold: Rvp holding Golden Boot trophy
    The Time Machine: In the wrong place for 7 years
    The Thin Red Line: Defencive wobbles

  12. oz gunner says:

    Inception : We managed to get into the heads of Tottenham fans making them think they were better than us. Only to break their hearts once again!

    The Verminator : Sent back in time to rescue Arsenal in the last minute against toon

    Raging Ox: Arsenal fans enraged as the Ox is replaced by Arshavin

    Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Czech : Tomas return to form, and in spectacular fashion

    No Country for Old Men: Chelsea’s ageing squad plummet down the table, only to fluke a wins against Barca and BM

    Into the Wild : Arsenal players and fans travelling to tottenham

    Great idea Rocky, this site continues to amaze me

  13. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Some brilliant witty and clever titles.
    I am trying very hard to come up with a contribution of my own, but so far its just plain embarrassing, and rather tragically, so far they are all old second world war films. Really pathetic.

  14. neamman says:

    I know this is a comment for yesterday.. but a sign of how far we have fallen internationally in recent years. Bangkok airport sells Leicester City shirts and we are relegated to a few t shirts in the clearance rack! They used to have an Arsenal booth there and Arsenal shops downtown, Not sure if the shop is still open!
    But there is still hope, while searching for a taxi in Suzhou China I exchanged a few words with a local wearing one of our Polos!!!
    Well all we said was Arsenal.. Hen hao [very good] and gave the thumbs up!!

  15. Scott says:

    7 year itch…….a pretty obvious one guys.

  16. goonerjake says:

    This is a title that appliesnot just to this season but to a few seasons.

    UNFORGIVEN

    Cashley… Na$ri….. Adeybayor

  17. LB says:

    I suppose we could say that our season was something akin to the film Saving Private Ryan, the first twenty minutes definitely resembles the first part of our season but slowly and surely we got a foothold. There were, of course, some bumps along the way but there were some magical moments as well and in the end Private Ryan was saved and will get to play in the Champions League again next season.

  18. TERRY MANCINI HAIR TRANSPLANT says:

    Vampiros Lesbos – An erotic tale of vamparic lesbian love tainted by money, staring Nasri, John Terry, and a suitcase of £50 notes

    Gone With The Wind – A tragedy set against the backdrop of the Arsenal boardroom as Francesc leaves those who loved him for some floozy called Catolonia. “Quite frankly Francesc, i dont give a damn”

    One Flew over The Cukoos Nest – A bleak and disturbing tale set in the ghettos of N17 were a group of football supporters slowley lose there sanity as they witness a 13 pint lead evaporate

    A Swissful of Dollars – How one mans greed and vanity sees him lose the England job, but is left with the delightful consolation of Daniel levy

    The Hangover – No synopsis, staring alex ferguson

  19. Rob Lucci says:

    TA,

    I think Vampiros Lesbos won it by a mile! Brilliant! :-)

  20. RockyLives says:

    Thanks for playing along with this bit of silliness.

    Some great suggestions (I love LB’s comparison between the start of our season and the first 20 minutes of Saving Private Ryan, but my favourite is Tottanic, from golds73 – brilliant. And even more gratifying when you realise that the iceberg they struck was us! :) ).

    Anyway, don’t let my nonsense deflect you from discussing more sensible subjects today, like – Djourou (should he follow the Swiss coach’s advice and leave Arsenal for regular football?) – and Vela (in the shop window – would we ever consider having him back at THOF?).

    I’m travelling for most of today but will catch up with comments later on.

    Ciao

  21. goonermichael says:

    Great post. I’m still trying to think of something where I don’t embarrass myself.

  22. goonermichael says:

    Help!

  23. RockyLives says:

    Brilliant GM – the Beatles movie!

    Sums up our early season perfectly.

  24. mickydidit89 says:

    GM
    Maybe you and I could get cracking with some “Carry On…..” films

  25. neamman says:

    GroundHog Day?? Our defence relives the same errors over and over?

  26. MickyDidIt89 says:

    The Holy Frail
    Diaby?

  27. MickyDidIt89 says:

    A Midsummer Night’s Dream
    Did we just sign M’Vila?

  28. MickyDidIt89 says:

    The Invisible Stan

  29. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Ben Fur
    The TH14 beard…mmmm, stretching it!

  30. goonermichael says:

    Return of the King (lotr) is an obvious one.

  31. goonermichael says:

    billy liar (fabregas)

  32. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Hi GM,
    Don’t know about you, but I flick over to AA between boring stuff, and now I can’t stop thinking about these film titles. Its so addictive.

  33. TERRY MANCINI HAIR TRANSPLANT says:

    Arseneidies Wengeropoulous and the golden Fleece – All action movie centered around ancient times as our intrepid hero Arseneidies Wengeropoulous goes in quest of the Golden Fleece. The Fleece is held by the snake like Danevil Levy who enlists the help of the dreaded Gorgon Modric to guard the fleece. One stare from the Modric and our hero will be turned to stone. Fun for all the family, but not pleasent looking at the Modric.

  34. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Look here, before anyone says anything, I’ve already got me coat, its on, and the door is open.
    During the season, someone posted a pic of Robin celebrating in front of the North Bank, and I’m sure it was Evonne who pointed out that the Boy Wonder looked (how can I put this delicately) …..excited! So, how about…..The Tales of Robin Wood.
    I’m so off.

  35. jnyc says:

    Rocky, thats so good, you must have been working on that one for a while. For A Few Dollars More is my favourite!

  36. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Planet of The Apes..White Hart Lane
    Here’s two for the price of one..King Song, or King Pong
    And of course..La Dolce Vita, the life of a Gooner.
    Hi Johnny. Must go. Back tomorrow.

  37. RockyLives says:

    At the airport.

    Just looked at Newsnow Arsenal and there’s a hilarious headline from the official site:

    “ESPN to Broadcast Ladies’ Bristol Clash – Arsenal FC: Official Site”

    Made me chuckle.

    Two more movie titles, this time about Mr Arshavin:
    “From Russia With Lard”.

    For John Terry, if you remove the final syllable:
    “The Big Country”.

  38. goonermichael says:

    Micky
    All our players looked excited

  39. Big Raddy says:

    Spurs end of season dvd…….. Meet The Fockers

    Gibbs crosses ……. Finding Theo

    There’s something about Ramsey

  40. glic says:

    This Is where I could be In my element but could be binned before I even write It,

    When Harry met Rosie.

    Wasn`t going to forget my mate .

    In Diana Jones with the Telescope of Zoom.

    I`d better stop before I get carried away. :)

  41. evonne says:

    Always look on a bright side of live, tootoo, tootoo, too tootoo tootoo tootoo too :) If we had it hard last season, ask your Spurs neighbour how they feel AND Always look on the bright side of life too too…. :)
    Great fun Rocky, well done

  42. evonne says:

    ..even if you cannot spell, life not live douh

  43. Reddawn says:

    Wuthering Heights…….sounds like The Spuds, depiction of mental and physical cruelty and never quite acheiving that final goal.

  44. goonermichael says:

    The Kings Speech “For ze first time I played as a fan”

  45. glic says:

    Told ya, 3 got binned. :lol:
    Puzzled why the Diaby one got binned though !.

  46. glic says:

    Lots of stone laying the last two days, I`ve got concrete and mortar everywhere on me, In my hair, ears, eye`s, In the string vest and loads down my speedos. Warning to any would be muggers, kick me in the goolies and you`ll break your foot !.

  47. chas says:

    I’m taking the liberty of re-posting this comment posted this afternoon on yesterday’s post.

    Noobgooner says:
    May 28, 2012 at 4:14 pm
    Kenyan gooner. I have buddies who support manu chelsea pool arsenal. Somehow all of them were big talkers. The gooners however, were Cool, modest and always talked proper football. I wasnt looking for a trophy laden when deciding what team to follow. Whatever it was, i found it as a gooner. Something special about arsenal. I dont fancy hype,glamour and superstardom. Arsenal is great but modest. I like that.

    “Cool modest and always talked proper football” :)

    Off to savour today’s.

  48. Rasp says:

    Everyone who can should watch Panorama starting just now, its about racism and fascism in Polad and the Ukraine

  49. chas says:

    Love the post, Rocky. :)

    Fantastic Mr. Fox reminded me of this…. Worthy of a re-post, I think.

  50. Rasp says:

    Allowing for journalistic license, there are some truly shocking things coming out in the programme – UEFA are a disgrace giving the EC’s to P & U

  51. evonne says:

    Rasp – yes and no. I am watching Panorama too. As shocking as it is, it is the underclass, the ignorant, uneducated, those who never went abroad and seen any different.
    If they see fans all different colours, religions getting on fine, being together etc they might see the light? I strongly believe in teaching by example

    Plus, the government is doing lots to stump the racism . A week does not go past without another series of arrests, trials, everyt paper is full of criticism of such trends.

  52. goonerjake says:

    Carry on up the Kyber -The Ashley Cole Story

  53. Rasp says:

    Hi evonne, I would be as bad as the Neanderthals on the program if I condemned all Poles and Ukrainians on the basis of the actions of an extreme minority.

    However, we have to question UEFA for awarding the Championships to areas where there are still significant problems – and also question FIFA for giving the WC to Qatar.

  54. goonerjake says:

    Appologies if anyone finds last post offensive.

  55. chas says:

    Jake,
    It would be impossible to be offensive enough about Cashley Hole.

    Tottanic
    http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01494/tottanic-Port_1494122a.jpg

  56. goonermichael says:

    I only saw ukraine on the panorama programme. Shocking. fifa, uefa, and all the fa’s are bent.

    The doomers are out in force on twitter now that the chavs have hazard. some of them really should kill themselves if life is that bad.

  57. chas says:

    If only they would……or at least go support the chavs or citeh .

  58. Gooner In Exile says:

    The Untouchables Any ManUre player in the box

    White Men Can’t Jump Starring TV5 as Woody Harrelson

    Super 8 Mikel Arteta

  59. goonermichael says:

    It’s so funny on republik of manc==tia. They blame losing the league on referee decisions. They are all saying what a little shit hazard is because he chose the chavs over them.

  60. goonermichael says:

    My mouse just broke :(

  61. Gooner In Exile says:

    Torres pledges future to Chavs:

    “I had a conversation with [Abramovich] and he trusts me. His confidence is total and that is what I needed to keep fighting,”

    Surely that’s the managers job?

    Anyway i’m pretty sure the conversation mainly revolved around incriminating photos of Fernando

  62. goonermichael says:

    May 28, 2012 at 21:29
    UtdSeven says:
    I am really surprised so many of us actually thought he might join. Despite what he said money was a key motivator as is with most players owise how can he join a team where they can’t even tell him who the manager is let alone where he will play. Secondly we have no money. The glazers did the usual let’s put a bid in, we know he will go elsewhere, it is renewals time after all. Inspite of the Glazers SAF will do his best to keep our great team there or there abouts.

    the mancs have doomers too. I thought it was a gooner desease

  63. Gooner In Exile says:

    The Telegraph reports Hazard deal is £78m total and gives following detail:

    £35m for player, £4.6m a year salary (net of tax so £9m per year (on a 5 year deal)), plus £6m for agent.

    I actually make that £86m total outlay.

    Hazard is 21….

  64. goonermichael says:

    I find it funny how when we buy a player all the less positve fans say “he’s from a shit league” why don’y they say that about hahazard. I’m really fining this manc site interesting in how much they sound like Arsenal fans.

  65. TERRY MANCINI HAIR TRANSPLANT says:

    Swathes of the manc support are just as idiotic sections of ours. They should all relax and chill down with a nice glass of Red whilst listining to Leo Sayer or Barry Manilow. This will bring tears for the love they lost because of there dooming attitude. Such cleansing of the soul will help them see the picture clearly that Arsenal will win the league next season and the sooner they accept the truth and shut up the better for everyone.

  66. CoryNYgooner says:

    “Unbreakable”–The Invicibles unbeaten season (despite the media insisting every season that any team without a loss in Oct/Nov is a good bet to do it…….fools)

  67. CoryNYgooner says:

    ^^^^^A little late to the party, but hey…..

  68. goonermichael says:

    It’s all going pear shaped in Italy. I’d love to have a proper investigation into English football

  69. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Hazard to Chelsea….wow
    £6m to the Agent…..even bigger wow

  70. Morning all

    We’re all in the wrong jobs, how hard can it be to be a football agent?

  71. chas says:

    I laughed at the introduction of Andy Hamilton at 2:22.

  72. MickyDidIt89 says:

    You say that Peaches, but you need to get a mobile phone, a bank account and one of those hideous matching shirt and tie combos.

  73. I’ve got a mobile phone :)

  74. Big Raddy says:

    I’ve got a shirt. If we can find an AA’er with a tie and another with a bank account, we can go into business together.

  75. MickyDidIt89 says:

    See…not so easy is it?
    I did note the ideal grey shirt and tie package in a sunday magazine that it is forged entirely from man made fibres. Suitably nasty I feel. Next step, whose going to be our front man/woman.
    I vote Chary. After all, it would be an improvement on his smelly metal attire.

  76. MickyDidIt89 says:

    Bingo, got it!
    Send Peaches into battle in The Fur Coat only get up and we’ll all be rich beyond our wildest dreams :-)

  77. evonne says:

    You don’t have to have a dodgy suit, a baseball cap would do.
    Have we signed anybody yet?
    Rasp – not a tiny minority, just minority :(

  78. MickyDidIt89 says:

    This is absolutely true.
    A mate was sitting on the sofa with his wife watching Utd v Everton. Half time 1-0 Utd. Chum tells wife they can put £100 online bet for any final result. He puts his on 4-4 at 400-1. Yip, £40,000!!!

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